Just So I feel Like I'm Doing Something
by ayaori
Summary: She was sitting in the corner, watching a man in grace and poise. She wonders about life and she wonders about love. Funny how, she says she's so damn happy.


**Ease the boredom…**

Summary:

She was sitting in the corner, watching a man in grace and poise. She wonders about life and she wonders about love. Funny how, she says she's so damn happy.

The first time I met him, I swear I hated him, not because he did something to me. No, I'm shallow. I'm a shallow person, no point in hiding it. My self-esteem is the size of a teaspoon, don't let my rant persuade you otherwise. And so I envy him.

I hate how he never messes up his hair, no matter the time of the day. It doesn't even matter that he just came from a rugged soccer match. It doesn't even matter if he reeks of sweat even after running 3 km. That's just wrong. Hair like that should be given to women. Women need it more than men. The gayness of it all!

I hate how he runs as if he's not. If only his run is a sissy run, I would extremely be happy. Or even better a homosexual run, maybe all his fan girls would just think that he's gay but nooooooo. He had this air of supremacy, you just can't ignore. He runs like he's wind, with grace and masculinity. Yuck, I sound like a fucking poet. Yeah, his run is magical, you should see his walk, it screams "look at me". And then we all shall look.

I hate how his eyes seem to know everything. It's so damn creepy. Ok maybe not creepy, but I would let hell freeze if I tell you it's sexy. It's a nice cade of amber or maybe it's chocolate. Always scowling, like you're a crime to the world but I would be happy if it's just that. But the world hates me, so yeah. He watches people like a hawk, able to tell between good or bad. Able to predict, able to anticipate, able to say "I understand" without you doubting because his eyes said so and that's that.

I hate how he smiles and makes everybody turn red. Some people are immune like Tomoyo or Eriol, just because they're so hopelessly in love with each other that there's no room for smiles like his. Or maybe Eriol is so used his cousin, or maybe Eriol is just to pro to think "Oh my god, his smile is so hot". Funny how rarely smiles and when he does, it's like everybody got splashed by red paint. Even the guys do it on occasion, it's so frustratingly abnormal. Damn him. Walking tomatoes exists now.

I hate how he makes me feel. I hate it more than all the reasons listed above. He makes me feel warm. I feel like my heart is about to burst every time I think of him or he comes near me. Honestly, I feel that the world is so much better if he's not there. Maybe a few people, maybe a lot if you count the fan girls and such, would be happy without him. I will be. Less confusion. Less pain. Less tears.

I cry more because of him. The frustration of liking someone so much that it hurts. It hurts to know that you may never have a chance. It hurts to know that your feelings have power over you. It's crazy uncontrollable. No matter how much denial in the end I say,

"_I like you Li Syaoran. Shit"_

I am now sitting in the corner of the gym, watching him. He looks like his finding his courage but for what? He's approaching me. My head is entering panic mode. I should run. Yes, I should. Oh god he block my escape. Think Sakura Think

He's red but smiling, "Hey Sakura"

And the worst thing in the world to day is, "Hey Syaoran, are you ok? You're red. Fever?"

I swear it just came out and now he's like oh my god what the hell.

"Uhm sakura, I was wondering if you're busy tonight"

Oh my god, what's happening to the world? Is he asking me out? Like a puppet, I shook my head now. I think I'm getting a fever.

Do you want to grab dinner in uhm McDonald's?"

Smooth Li Syaoran, real smooth. McDonald's Damn. What's stopping me from laughing my head off? My blush of course. My like for this guy.

And so we went out, had fun, dated some more and voila!

I'm standing in front of him, watching him kick and punch air like a mantra in his head. He has grace. He has poise. I wonder what he thinks about. I wonder what enters his head every time he kicks. I wonder so much watching him there.

The first time I hugged him, he was so pissed at Eriol. I just so happen to block his way. Open my arms and I caught him. We hugged. It felt like time should stop like I don't know. It was warm ad happy. I was frantically making weird noises at Tomoyo but I'm too happy at the feeling. She had this knowing look, the kind that says "Aha!"

The first time we kissed. It felt good. It's like sparks but of course it was awkward a bit, the good kinfd of awkwardness but it was nice. Nice and we ended up doing it again and again and again. My happiness!

The first time, ok I don't want to talk about that. I'm afraid my face cannot tolerate that. Bear with me.

The first time we argued, it was hell and it was stupid. But we still do it often, yes so often.

Just so I feel like I'm doing something, I do stupid things. I make him bad but of course not on purpose.

Just so I feel like I'm doing something, I tell him that I could have lost him because of arguments and my faults and each time he would wrap his arms around me, kiss my forehead and say, "I'm here" while I cry myself dry in his arms. Funny, enough it's the only thing I needed to hear.

Just so I feel like I'm doing something, I stand here thinking about what's in his head.

_Is he leaving me?_

_Does he think I'm horrible?_

_Am I good enough for him?_

_Does he really love me?_

And of course he would come to me and always tell me that like what he is currently ding now,

"Silly wife, what are you thinking about now?"

Each time he would wrap his arms around me and kiss wherever he could hit, my neck, my collarbone, my shoulder or the back of my ear.

"Oh the usual"

And he would laugh at me, as if I'm crazy. And I would join him too

"You think way too much. I'm here."

He would kiss me. Make me smile and maybe laugh each time.

"I love you, Li Syaoran."

And he would laugh at me and say, " I love you too, Li Sakura."

He kisses me, not awkward but just perfect.

"To think we already have 4 brats and my last name, you still go emo on me."

I hit him hard for that. Li Syaoran, how you make me feel is like I'm doing something.

Just so I feel like I'm doing something, I tell my husband my emotional rants by now I don't need to tell, just need to stand there. He knows. He's annoying that way. I don't have to say. He just looks at me and wiggles his eyesbrows.

Just so I feel like I'm doing something, I stare at him, because I'm bored with life. I want attention. That's how I demand.

Just so I feel like I'm doing something, I love my husband beyond everything.


End file.
